Favorite math and science jokes
Posted: May 10th, 2007, 7:36 pmHere are some of favorite math and science jokes. I've gathered most of them from various places on the web. Enjoy.
Q: What do you get when you cross fifty female pigs and fifty male deer?
A: A hundred sows and bucks
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the baby acorn say when it grew up:
A: Gee, I'm a tree! (Geometry)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the ship captain say when his ship got bombed?
A: Deck a Gone!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a tall coffee pot while it's making coffee?
A: High pot in use (hypotenuse)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A physics student once got the following question in an exam: "You are given an accurate
barometer. How would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper?" He answered,
"Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down 'till it touches the
ground and measure the length of the string." The examiner wasn't satisfied, so they decided
to interview the guy:
"Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics?"
"Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the
ground..."
"Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again?"
"Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its
period at the top..."
"...another try?...."
"Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it vertically on the ground on a sunny day
and measure its shadow, measure the shadow of theskyscraper..."
"...and again?..."
"walk up the stairs and use the barometer as a ruler to measure the height of the walls in the
stairwells."
"...One more try?"
"Find where the janitor lives, knock on his door and say 'Please, Mr. Janitor, if I give you
this nice barometer, will you tell me the height of this building?'"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms were out walking.
Suddenly one said,
"I've lost my electron!"
The other one asked,
"Are you sure?"
Said the first one,
"I'm positive!"
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Cartoon Law of Physics |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Cartoon Law I
=============
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in
midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this
point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
==============
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are
so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called
this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
===============
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to
its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of
victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so
eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving
a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often
catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
==============
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral
down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably
unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
=============
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's
signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a
chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character
who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground,
especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
==============
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's
head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places
simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning
or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self- replication
only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity
required.
Cartoon Law VII
===============
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is
known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent
will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is
flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.
This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
Cartoon Law VIII
================
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might
comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-
pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a
few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or
solidify.
Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law IX
==============
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Cartoon Law X
=============
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it
happen to a duck instead.
Cartoon Law Amendment A
=======================
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a
character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.
Cartoon Law Amendment B
=======================
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.
Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent
objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road
Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
Cartoon Law Amendment C
=======================
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.
They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
Cartoon Law Amendment D
=======================
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.
Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine
suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first,
causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will
begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall,
tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions
until such time as it strikes the ground.
Cartoon Law Amendment E
=======================
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon
laws hold).
The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which
postulated that the tensions involved in maintianing a space would cause the
creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick
sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces
generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B,
which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta
to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy
result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHEMISTRY CHRISTMAS SONGS
1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
2. I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
3. Silent labs
4. Deck the labs
5. The twelve days of chemistry
6. Test tubes bubbling
7. O little melting particle
8. We wish you a happy halogen
9. Chemistry wonderland
10. I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
11. O come all ye gases
12. We three students of chemistry are
13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule
14. Lab reports
15. Silver nitrate
*1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
--------------------------------------
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
*2. I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
---------------------------------------
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
*3. Silent Labs
---------------
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh--how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh--Please Santa bring me an 'A'.
*4. Deck the Labs
----------------
Deck the labs with rubber tubing
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Use your funnel and your filter
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our goggles and aprons
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Before we go to our lab stations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fill the beakers with solutions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Mix solutions for reactions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch we now for observations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
So we can collect our data
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
*5. The Twelve Days of Chemistry
--------------------------------
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twleve point quiz
*6. Test Tubes Bubbling
-----------------------
(to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at your nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.
*7. O Little Melting Particle
-----------------------------
(to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem)
Para Dichloro Benzene
how do you melt so well?
The plateau of your cooling curve
is really something swell.
We think the heat of fusion
of water is so nice
Give up fourteen hundred cals per mole
and what you get is ice.
*8. We Wish You a Happy Halogen
-------------------------------
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.
Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.
*9. Chemistry Wonderland
------------------------
Gases explode, are you listenin'
In your test tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if what's left is nitrate
My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?"
and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?"
Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.
*10. I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa Chlorine
-----------------------------------------
I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree last night
They didn't sneak me down the periodic chart
to take a peek
At all the atoms reacting in their beakers;
it was neat.
And I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree so bright
Oh what a reaction there would have been
if the principal had walked in
With teacher kissing Santa Chlorine last night.
*11. O Come all ye Gases
------------------------
O Come all yea gases
diatomic wonders
O come yea, o come yea
calls Avogadro.
O come yea in moles
6 x 10 to the 23rd
O molar mass and molecules
O volume, pressure and temperature
O molar volume of gases at S.T.P.
12. We Three Students of Chemistry Are
---------------------------------------
We three students of chemistry are
taking tests that we think are hard
Stoichiometry, volumes and densities
worrying all the time.
O room of wonder
room of fright
Room of thermites
blinding light:
With your energies
please don't burn us
Help us get our labs all right.
*13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule
-------------------------------
(to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
But do you recall
the most famous element of all?
Iron the red atom molecule
had a very shiny orbital
And if you ever saw him
You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
All of the other molecules
used to laugh and call him Ferrum
They never let poor Iron
join in any reaction games.
Then one inert Chemistry eve
Santa came to say
Iron with your orbital so bright
won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
Then how the atoms reacted
and combined in twos and threes
Iron the red atom molecule
you'll go down in Chemistry!
*14. Lab Reports
---------------
(to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Dashing through the lab
with a ten page lab report
Taking all those tests
and laughing at them all
Bells for fire drills ring
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
a chemistry song tonight.
Oh, lab reports, lab reports,
reacting all the way
Oh what fun it is to study
for a chemistry test today, Hey!
Chemistry test, chemistry test
isn't it a blast
Oh what fun it is to take
a chemistry test and pass.
*15. Silver Nitrate
-------------------
(to the tune of Silver Bells)
Silver nitrate, silver nitrate
it's chemistry time in the lab
Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring
soon it will be chemistry day.
Take your nitrate, in solution
Add your copper with style
In the beaker there's a feeling of reactions
silver forming, blue solution
Bringing ooh's ah's and wows
now the data procesing begins.
Get the mass, change to moles
what is the ratio with copper?
Write an equation, balance it
we're glad it's Chemistry Day.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Integral z-squared dz
From one to the square root of three
Times the cosine
Of three pi over nine
Equals log of the cube root of 'e'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the compute scientist die in the shower?
A: Because he read the instructions on the shampoo bottle: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do computer scientists confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Dec 25 = Oct 31
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
Q: What do you get when you cross fifty female pigs and fifty male deer?
A: A hundred sows and bucks
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the baby acorn say when it grew up:
A: Gee, I'm a tree! (Geometry)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the ship captain say when his ship got bombed?
A: Deck a Gone!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a tall coffee pot while it's making coffee?
A: High pot in use (hypotenuse)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A physics student once got the following question in an exam: "You are given an accurate
barometer. How would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper?" He answered,
"Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down 'till it touches the
ground and measure the length of the string." The examiner wasn't satisfied, so they decided
to interview the guy:
"Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics?"
"Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the
ground..."
"Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again?"
"Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its
period at the top..."
"...another try?...."
"Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it vertically on the ground on a sunny day
and measure its shadow, measure the shadow of theskyscraper..."
"...and again?..."
"walk up the stairs and use the barometer as a ruler to measure the height of the walls in the
stairwells."
"...One more try?"
"Find where the janitor lives, knock on his door and say 'Please, Mr. Janitor, if I give you
this nice barometer, will you tell me the height of this building?'"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms were out walking.
Suddenly one said,
"I've lost my electron!"
The other one asked,
"Are you sure?"
Said the first one,
"I'm positive!"
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Cartoon Law of Physics |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Cartoon Law I
=============
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in
midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this
point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
==============
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are
so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called
this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
===============
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to
its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of
victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so
eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving
a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often
catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
==============
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral
down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably
unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
=============
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's
signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a
chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character
who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground,
especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
==============
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's
head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places
simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning
or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self- replication
only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity
required.
Cartoon Law VII
===============
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is
known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent
will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is
flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.
This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
Cartoon Law VIII
================
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might
comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-
pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a
few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or
solidify.
Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law IX
==============
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Cartoon Law X
=============
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it
happen to a duck instead.
Cartoon Law Amendment A
=======================
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a
character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.
Cartoon Law Amendment B
=======================
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.
Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent
objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road
Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
Cartoon Law Amendment C
=======================
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.
They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
Cartoon Law Amendment D
=======================
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.
Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine
suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first,
causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will
begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall,
tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions
until such time as it strikes the ground.
Cartoon Law Amendment E
=======================
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon
laws hold).
The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which
postulated that the tensions involved in maintianing a space would cause the
creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick
sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces
generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B,
which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta
to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy
result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHEMISTRY CHRISTMAS SONGS
1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
2. I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
3. Silent labs
4. Deck the labs
5. The twelve days of chemistry
6. Test tubes bubbling
7. O little melting particle
8. We wish you a happy halogen
9. Chemistry wonderland
10. I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
11. O come all ye gases
12. We three students of chemistry are
13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule
14. Lab reports
15. Silver nitrate
*1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
--------------------------------------
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
*2. I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
---------------------------------------
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
*3. Silent Labs
---------------
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh--how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh--Please Santa bring me an 'A'.
*4. Deck the Labs
----------------
Deck the labs with rubber tubing
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Use your funnel and your filter
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our goggles and aprons
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Before we go to our lab stations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fill the beakers with solutions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Mix solutions for reactions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch we now for observations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
So we can collect our data
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
*5. The Twelve Days of Chemistry
--------------------------------
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twleve point quiz
*6. Test Tubes Bubbling
-----------------------
(to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at your nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.
*7. O Little Melting Particle
-----------------------------
(to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem)
Para Dichloro Benzene
how do you melt so well?
The plateau of your cooling curve
is really something swell.
We think the heat of fusion
of water is so nice
Give up fourteen hundred cals per mole
and what you get is ice.
*8. We Wish You a Happy Halogen
-------------------------------
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.
Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.
*9. Chemistry Wonderland
------------------------
Gases explode, are you listenin'
In your test tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if what's left is nitrate
My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?"
and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?"
Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.
*10. I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa Chlorine
-----------------------------------------
I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree last night
They didn't sneak me down the periodic chart
to take a peek
At all the atoms reacting in their beakers;
it was neat.
And I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree so bright
Oh what a reaction there would have been
if the principal had walked in
With teacher kissing Santa Chlorine last night.
*11. O Come all ye Gases
------------------------
O Come all yea gases
diatomic wonders
O come yea, o come yea
calls Avogadro.
O come yea in moles
6 x 10 to the 23rd
O molar mass and molecules
O volume, pressure and temperature
O molar volume of gases at S.T.P.
12. We Three Students of Chemistry Are
---------------------------------------
We three students of chemistry are
taking tests that we think are hard
Stoichiometry, volumes and densities
worrying all the time.
O room of wonder
room of fright
Room of thermites
blinding light:
With your energies
please don't burn us
Help us get our labs all right.
*13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule
-------------------------------
(to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
But do you recall
the most famous element of all?
Iron the red atom molecule
had a very shiny orbital
And if you ever saw him
You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
All of the other molecules
used to laugh and call him Ferrum
They never let poor Iron
join in any reaction games.
Then one inert Chemistry eve
Santa came to say
Iron with your orbital so bright
won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
Then how the atoms reacted
and combined in twos and threes
Iron the red atom molecule
you'll go down in Chemistry!
*14. Lab Reports
---------------
(to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Dashing through the lab
with a ten page lab report
Taking all those tests
and laughing at them all
Bells for fire drills ring
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
a chemistry song tonight.
Oh, lab reports, lab reports,
reacting all the way
Oh what fun it is to study
for a chemistry test today, Hey!
Chemistry test, chemistry test
isn't it a blast
Oh what fun it is to take
a chemistry test and pass.
*15. Silver Nitrate
-------------------
(to the tune of Silver Bells)
Silver nitrate, silver nitrate
it's chemistry time in the lab
Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring
soon it will be chemistry day.
Take your nitrate, in solution
Add your copper with style
In the beaker there's a feeling of reactions
silver forming, blue solution
Bringing ooh's ah's and wows
now the data procesing begins.
Get the mass, change to moles
what is the ratio with copper?
Write an equation, balance it
we're glad it's Chemistry Day.
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Integral z-squared dz
From one to the square root of three
Times the cosine
Of three pi over nine
Equals log of the cube root of 'e'.
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Q: Why did the compute scientist die in the shower?
A: Because he read the instructions on the shampoo bottle: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
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Q: Why do computer scientists confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Dec 25 = Oct 31
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This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.